Joy for Beginners, Ava
As we near the end of this season’s book selection, we meet Ava. One of Kate’s most longstanding friends, Ava could not bring herself to be physically present with Kate as she fought breast cancer. Ava relates to the world through her sense of smell – the first of our human senses to develop and as such the most primal of our five senses. Ava lost her mother to breast cancer; a memory that is deeply held within Ava’s highly developed olfactory sense. Ava and the other women initially see Ava’s given challenge as punishment for not coming to Kate during her time of need; Kate says it is not punishment but rather a way to bring Ava home. For Ava, the task of doing a three-day walk for breast cancer awareness brings an opportunity to face and move past painful memories.
Do you think that the experience of losing her mother early in life caused Ava to “get stuck” in the development of her senses? In a sense, Ava never moved beyond the most basic of senses – do you think that losing her mother so early was the impetus for this?
How would you react if one of your closest friends was not there for you when you were facing a major life challenge? Would you be able to forgive them and maintain the friendship?
We’ll be concluding this season’s book club together in person with a casual luncheon and enchilada class with Glen Ivy’s Executive Chef Bill Wavrin this Sunday, November 20th at Glen Ivy Hot Springs in Corona. The Book Club Spa Day Package includes spa admission, Chef Bill’s class, lunch and the book club discussion all for $75. Those in the Orange County area can enjoy a special book club get together at our Brea Day Spa location on Wednesday, November 30th – this get-together will include special event savings on treatments and a light spa snack to enjoy as we discuss the book together.
Please call 888-GLEN IVY to reserve your space.
Hey there, book club. Have fun at the luncheon! I wish I could be there; the food and conversation were both wonderful last time.
ps. Also wanted to let you know — Joy For Beginners was just named by Library Journal as one of the top 10 women’s fiction titles of 2011!
I believe, if I was twenty-five years younger, I probably would have had a hard time forgiving a friend who was not there for me through such a hardship. However, as I’ve grown and weathered some of life’s challenges, I’ve become a lot more understanding and forgiving. I’ve learned that everyone has their own reasons and methods of handling what life throw at us. True friendship is understanding and accepting those you care about without judgement of what is right or wrong based on the way you would handle a particular situation.
I have been on both sides of this dilemma that Ava experienced. In the past it was very difficult for me to contact friends who were in crisis. I was afraid that I would not know what to say. It was too emotional to watch them suffer and I could not stand the pain of watching their pain. Ava could not bear to see her friend suffer or relive her loss either.
Eleven years ago my husband was in a horrible car accident and lived five months in intensive care before he died. During that time I struggled with close friends who disappeared on me right at the time I needed them most. Later they told me that it was my suffering that they could not bear to watch. But their absence was hurtful and added pain onto the pain I was going through. While I understood what they were feeling, having been there, it did not compensate for the toll this took on the friendship.
I learned through this that the reason we keep a distance with friends who are suffering is because we are thinking about ourselves first, and our pain, rather than focusing on the person who needs us, our friends. Although Ava was able to rebuild her friendship with Kate, that is because Kate lived, and often that is not the case. For me, unfortunately some of my close friendships changed and we never recovered the closeness we once had. But through this experienced I formed new friendships with people who were there for me, who sat with me, prayed with me, brought me food as I sat in the hospital. I also learned that no matter how difficult it may be for us, it is important to always put the suffering person first. After visiting a friend in crisis, I can come home from the visit and cry and be sad for a time. He or she will have a suffering that lasts much longer.
On a lighter note…Congratulations Erica on the success of your book and the award of being on the top 10 list of women’s fiction titles! Well deserved! I am looking forward to the next book!