Joy for Beginners, Hadley
This week we meet Hadley, a young widow who finds solace from her husband’s death in a small home with an overgrown garden. Hadley’s story reminded me of how a caterpillar transforms in to a butterfly; the worm encases itself in a cocoon and begins a process of metamorphosis in which it literally dissolves in to a soupy goo. From that goo a butterfly is eventually formed. In order to survive, the butterfly must break out of the cocoon that once sustained it. Getting out of a cocoon can be a difficult process, however if a well meaning human tries to help by cutting the cocoon open the butterfly will die instantly. In fact, butterflies that experience greater struggle in breaking out of their cocoon are hardier and live longer than their counterparts who have an easier time of it.
The small house and overgrown garden provide Hadley with a cocoon of sorts; Hadley has found a sheltered place to allow herself and her previous life to melt away. But, also like the butterfly, Hadley must break out of her cocoon in order to find a new, reformed life. I think that Kate, after coming so close to death herself, sees and understands this about her friend, even though Hadley does not see it for herself and would be happy to continue on, even as the vines of her garden wrap themselves around her more tightly.
I found some resonance with this chapter; my garden always seems to reflect my state of mind. I find pulling weeds cathartic and often think about habits or other things in my life that I want to get rid of while I’m weeding. My favorite line from this chapter was, “You can tell more about a person from their garden than you ever will from what they say about themselves.” What did you enjoy about this chapter? What does your garden say about you?
I could identify with Hadley. After my husband died my home became my refuge, the place I came to after the work day ended to calm down, reflect and to cry. The garden and weeds that grew up around me weren’t literal, but figurative. The walls encircled and enclosed me, protected me from going out into a world that hurt. But those very same walls can suffocate if we let them.
Hadley left her walls as she found a need in helping her neighbor with the children which led to meeting other women who had needs. Sometimes when we are used to being a part of something (marriage, family, group) in which we had a role, it is comforting to find another “family” where we are needed.
Kate encouraged Hadley to clean her garden which gave her a connection also to the woman who lived there before. When my husband died I had to finally force myself to get out and in so doing I found many wonderful women friends of all ages who brought blessings to my life. The older ones, like the lady who owned the house, have taught me the cycles of life. We live, we laugh, we love and we move on to encourage others to enjoy what we have enjoyed. Hadley could enjoy the fruits of the previous owner’s labors, but not until she cleaned out the part that had taken over. Once we clean out the debris that holds us back we can experience the fruits of our labors.
Since my Mother and mother-in-law died in the last few years and I have a houseful of their things, Kate would instruct me to “clean my garden”, go through these things, hack away with my own “machete” and get rid “stuff”. Then I can enjoy my home and be comfortable having guests in.
Seraphina, I am really enjoying your introductions to the chapters!
And Susan, I am so glad you have found women friends to help you get through what life has handed to you. It’s funny, sometimes someone will say to me “those women in your book are so kind to each other. People aren’t like that.” And yet they can be, can’t they?
This chapter represented how we find strength at times when we least expect it. There are times that we feel we may never be whole again, and then we find the strength to be even better. I found it note worthy that Daria was more interested in Hadley getting out with other men than Hadley did. Hadley was healing and rediscovering herself and wondered why it was more important to others than it was to herself.
Erica, thank you so much for your kind words. It’s interesting that you’ve received feedback that people like the characters in your book may be difficult to find in real life. I have a group of friends like the women in Joy – who,interestingly, originally formed around a book club. Perhaps it is more that we don’t always take note of kindnesses and support until life hands us a really big challenge.
After reading this chapter I did some of my own clearing out in my little garden. There was an old lavender plant that had lived out its life and was pretty much just dead wood and twigs. I hadn’t touched it for a long time because I wasn’t ready to let go of it. But as I started to firtst just trim, more and more needed cutting until there as a nice large clear space where the plant had once been.The earth there was fresh and soft and ready for something new or just to breath. My dogs snorted, jumped around and rolled in the new play space. It is always a thrill at how surprisingly satisfying it is to clear out the old that needs to go. In our gardens, our closets, our lives. Then we have a nice clean fresh space to let in the new. This chapter reminded me a lot of the prologue when Caroline has the task to clear out her bookcases. I loved Michelle’s bookclub comment for the prologue about how when she cleared old things she was able to create the space for something new and wonderful in her life!
Serpahina, I agree! I’ve been to several book clubs that remind me so much of the group of women in JOY. There was one in Portland, a group of women who have been friends for 30 years. It was August and we sat outside around tables lit by candlelight. These women were all so different from each other, and yet they accepted each other with such grace and affection. What a gift of an evening.
Carla, I love your description of what you found underneath the dead wood of an old plant. Not only did this discovery bring the joy of something new to you, it also provided a space for your dogs to play and enjoy. We often forget that clearing out our old “stuff” is just as beneficial to those around us as it is to us.