Last week I was helping in my son’s classroom for Valentine’s Day. As the kids lined up to go outside, there was the typical minor pushing and shuffling you would expect from second graders. Then one child shouted out, “Hey! He cut in line! I was there first!” (OK, so it was my kid!) Thinking back on that incident, I began to wonder;  at what age do we stop fighting for our place in line? When did we begin to allow other’s needs and desires to step in front of our own so that we often find ourselves in the back of the line?

Obviously, as we get older and have more responsibilities, we can not always demand to be first in line. Trust me though, it is not possible to create positive lifestyle changes that stick without a healthy dose of “me first!” to make it happen. If you consistently replace your workout time with volunteering at school, or one more project at work, you will not lose weight. Likewise, your blood pressure numbers will only improve with more steps recorded on your pedometer, not more hours punched in on the time clock or mommy meter. Taking care of your health, especially when you are trying to establish new habits and routines, requires that you learn how to put your needs first on a regular basis.

While many of us have grown up with the belief that this is a selfish approach to life,  Drs. Rachel and Richard Heller assert that “healthy selfishness,” or a way of thinking and acting in which there is a deep appreciation and concern for yourself, is essential to living a rewarding life.  They also add that practicing healthy selfishness can feel empowering as you learn to release yourself from the demands and opinions of those around you. From a wellness perspective, when you practice placing your needs at the head of the line, the very act of doing so will increase your  confidence and self esteem. And as these qualities grow stronger within you, you will find  yourself consistently making life affirming choices like exercising and eating healthfully. Eventually, the goal will be to have a healthy balance between taking care of yourself and taking care of others.

So this month, let me offer a few practical suggestions on how you can begin your practice of healthy selfishness:

• Plan Ahead. Before the week begins, make a schedule for yourself that includes your workouts, healthy mealtimes, and time to recharge. Remember, it’s always best to write it down to solidify your commitment. Consider these “me” times to be sacred. Then, when unscheduled things pop up, listen to that “inner second grader” and say, “No cutting in line!”
• Get comfortable with the word NO! Ok, you don’t have to say it with all caps, but there are many ways to protect your time with a polite, “I am sorry, but that will not work for me right now. I have plans.”   If you are a people pleaser and need some help with this, follow this link for some great tips and ideas on learning How to Say No.
• Get rid of the guilt. Guilt is a major barrier to putting your needs first, and like many issues can often be traced to our struggle with self-esteem. When we don’t feel worthy or deserving, we may find ourselves making choices that are not in our best interest. So, part of your wellness journey must be to flex your self-esteem muscle on a daily basis.  Once you have said that tiny word “no”,  practice saying a big “YES!” to feeling good about the strides you are making to honor yourself. (you can even give yourself a fist pump the way the tennis players do when they make a winning shot).

I don’t need to tell you that the cost of NOT practicing “healthy selfishness” can be very high. Serious health issues can arise from poor eating habits, lack of movement and consistently high stress levels. Besides, none of us are much help to those around us, when we do not feel good or lack the energy to contribute. So the next time you find yourself poised to trade out time set aside for yourself with an extra commitment elsewhere, don’t be afraid to stamp your foot and shout, “Me first!” I guarantee that the rewards will pay off for you and everyone around you.

Meg Root